Nicholas D's definitions
A person whose main goal in life is to post first on an internet video, picture, or anything else that allows comments. Usually this person will simply post "First!" or something along those lines rather than making an insightful or meaningful comment. First posters, while they themselves often believe that they are serving a valuable purpose and/or accomplishing something by being first, are generally disrespected by much of the rest of the online community.
First poster #1: "I was the first to post on a Failblog picture on March 17, 2008. It ended up getting 946 comments."
Neil Armstrong: "Wow, that's really impressive. I was the first person to walk on the moon."
Babe Ruth: "I was the first player to hit 60 home runs in a season AND the first to hit 700 career home runs!"
Albert Einstein: "Well I was the first to prove the relationship between mass and energy as well as many other fundamental principles of the universe that had puzzled scientists since the beginning of time."
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I was the first to climb Mt. Everest."
First poster #1: "What did you do up there?"
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I put up a sign that said 'First!!!' and got my ass back down that mountain. It was freezing up there, dude!"
God: "Well I was the first to create, well, you know, everything in the entire universe."
First poster #2: "Sweet man, congrats. I was the first to comment on that YouTube video of the news anchor accidentally saying 'blow job' on live TV."
Neil Armstrong: "LOL! That video was classic! Epic fail!"
Other commenter: "Shut up, all of you!!! Nobody cares if you're first! Get a life!"
Neil Armstrong: "Wow, that's really impressive. I was the first person to walk on the moon."
Babe Ruth: "I was the first player to hit 60 home runs in a season AND the first to hit 700 career home runs!"
Albert Einstein: "Well I was the first to prove the relationship between mass and energy as well as many other fundamental principles of the universe that had puzzled scientists since the beginning of time."
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I was the first to climb Mt. Everest."
First poster #1: "What did you do up there?"
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I put up a sign that said 'First!!!' and got my ass back down that mountain. It was freezing up there, dude!"
God: "Well I was the first to create, well, you know, everything in the entire universe."
First poster #2: "Sweet man, congrats. I was the first to comment on that YouTube video of the news anchor accidentally saying 'blow job' on live TV."
Neil Armstrong: "LOL! That video was classic! Epic fail!"
Other commenter: "Shut up, all of you!!! Nobody cares if you're first! Get a life!"
by Nicholas D July 27, 2009
Get the first postermug. A term describing a very unattractive, usually overweight skank. The person in question usually bears resemblance in size or appearance to a cetacean, ungulate, or similar animal, such as a hippo, orca, beluga, manatee, water buffalo, wildebeest, warthog, rhinoceros, or elephant.
"I necessarily didn't wanna bring home any sort of zoo creatures whatsoever. I mean these broads just probably smelled the food at the house." -Mike "The Situation" on "Jersey Shore"
I followed a smokin' hot girl back to her place from the club after pounding Jager bombs all night. By the morning though, she had magically transformed into some kind of enormous zoo creature. She looked so much like a wildebeest that I wasn't totally sure whether I was in her bedroom or the African savanna. I had no choice but to pull the old beat it and beat it move and be swayze before that disgusting swamp donkey awakened from her slumber.
I followed a smokin' hot girl back to her place from the club after pounding Jager bombs all night. By the morning though, she had magically transformed into some kind of enormous zoo creature. She looked so much like a wildebeest that I wasn't totally sure whether I was in her bedroom or the African savanna. I had no choice but to pull the old beat it and beat it move and be swayze before that disgusting swamp donkey awakened from her slumber.
by Nicholas D January 15, 2010
Get the zoo creaturemug. A combination nanny state and anarchy: A government that cracks down on trivial everyday things while letting actual criminals run rampant, failing to prosecute serious crimes. Example: San Francisco 2020 under DA Chesa Boudin.
John was caught breaking into fifty cars, dealing crack to kids, and stabbing a cop. The San Francisco DA let him off with $1 bail for these silly but harmless shenanigans. But then they caught him drinking through a plastic straw rather than a compostable one while celebrating his release, and sentenced him to 20 years in maximum security prison for committing such a serious felony. Just another victim of the nannarchy...
by Nicholas D January 31, 2020
Get the nannarchymug. The standard consequence of losing a beirut/beer pong game very badly. The losing team is required to run naked around the outside of the building in which the game is being played. Depending on house rules, a naked run rule may be enforced either when a team loses before making it to their first re-rack (6 cups left) or when a team does not sink a single cup in an entire game. This rule is often not enforced in a game where all players are male because that would be considered "too gay."
Steve: "How'd you guys do in the Sigma Chi beirut tournament?"
John: "Not too great. We lost to 'Wet Balls' in the semifinals."
Steve: "Man, in every tournament there's a team called 'Wet Balls.' So unoriginal."
John: "Word to your mother. But at least we got to see Vicky and Sarah lose a game by 9 cups and do a naked run around the building."
Steve: "Hell yeah! Vicky is pretty hot. I would have loved to see those things bounce around, if you know what I mean."
John: "Yeah it was pretty awesome. Skeet skeet!"
John: "Not too great. We lost to 'Wet Balls' in the semifinals."
Steve: "Man, in every tournament there's a team called 'Wet Balls.' So unoriginal."
John: "Word to your mother. But at least we got to see Vicky and Sarah lose a game by 9 cups and do a naked run around the building."
Steve: "Hell yeah! Vicky is pretty hot. I would have loved to see those things bounce around, if you know what I mean."
John: "Yeah it was pretty awesome. Skeet skeet!"
by Nicholas D February 13, 2009
Get the naked runmug. 1) The Greek letter sigma
2) The summation operator, indicating a series to be summed
3) A synonym for "summer" due to definition (2) above
4) A synonym for "count it" due to definition (2) above, indicating agreement with someone
2) The summation operator, indicating a series to be summed
3) A synonym for "summer" due to definition (2) above
4) A synonym for "count it" due to definition (2) above, indicating agreement with someone
Guy 1: "Hey man, can't believe tomorrow is June 1st and it's almost Σ. What do you want to do after we finish these Σ exercises for math class? Maybe go to the ΣAE frat party?"
Guy 2: "Nah, let's chill with the broskis and watch '500 Days of Σ' while we drink some White Claw and Aperol spritzers."
Guy 1: "Σ! But it bothers me in that movie how Σ really screwed over JGL, NGL."
Guy 2: "Σ."
Guy 2: "Nah, let's chill with the broskis and watch '500 Days of Σ' while we drink some White Claw and Aperol spritzers."
Guy 1: "Σ! But it bothers me in that movie how Σ really screwed over JGL, NGL."
Guy 2: "Σ."
by Nicholas D August 8, 2023
Get the Σmug. A rhetorical question asked to indicate that a person has been thoroughly schooled, reamed, or taken to the house. Pretty much means, "That must have hurt!"
A short, more polite form of, "How's your cornhole?" To make it less offensive/obvious, you may add "...family" or something similar to the end of "How's your hole?"
A short, more polite form of, "How's your cornhole?" To make it less offensive/obvious, you may add "...family" or something similar to the end of "How's your hole?"
Banker 1: "I'm in equities, what do you do?"
Banker 2: "I'm in subprime mortgage trading?"
Banker 1: "Ooooh...how's your hole?"
Prisoner 1: "Man, I dropped the soap again last night."
Prisoner 2: "Ooooh...how's your hole...family?"
Yuppie 1: "I just got hit up for $5 on this half-gallon of organic milk and $10 a pound for this free-range chicken at Whole Foods."
Yuppie 2: "Ooooh...how's your hole...foods?"
Banker 2: "I'm in subprime mortgage trading?"
Banker 1: "Ooooh...how's your hole?"
Prisoner 1: "Man, I dropped the soap again last night."
Prisoner 2: "Ooooh...how's your hole...family?"
Yuppie 1: "I just got hit up for $5 on this half-gallon of organic milk and $10 a pound for this free-range chicken at Whole Foods."
Yuppie 2: "Ooooh...how's your hole...foods?"
by Nicholas D December 20, 2007
Get the How's your hole?mug. Short for investment banking, an industry devoted to squeezing money out of transactions, famous for paying a metric shitload, being filled with douchebags, and doing absolutely nothing for the benefit of society. It is amazing that anyone actually ends up in this industry, as you have to be very smart to get such a job, but very stupid to take it.
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Vice President #1: "SHIT!!! I'm going to have to spend all weekend getting this investor request done!!!"
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
by Nicholas D May 7, 2007
Get the I-bankingmug.