varnished monkey

Someones who's really vain and makes an unecessary effort with their appearance e.g. a well oiled, beautifully bronzed sunbather at a tourist resort, or a cool kid with too much gel in their hair. The phrase was first used in german (lackierter Affe), and is a lovely description of that loathsome type of person.
Arnie: "Check out my beautifully oiled biceps"
Sally: "Wow! You're a real varnished monkey!"
by Jamie Douglas September 06, 2006
mugGet the varnished monkeymug.

military golf

Means you're going: Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Right ...

Another excellent golfing put down.
"Into the trees again boyo, I didn't realise we were playing military golf"
by Jamie Douglas September 08, 2006
mugGet the military golfmug.

mesoscale

Between the macroscopic and microscopic scale.
If planets are macroscopic and atoms microscopic, humans can be described as a mesoscale.

1m is a mesoscale compared to an inch and a mile.
by Jamie Douglas December 14, 2006
mugGet the mesoscalemug.

rubbish head

The most offensive insult in the world.

Especially if you are four.

It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
"That winger missed a sitter, what a rubbish head"
by Jamie Douglas September 06, 2006
mugGet the rubbish headmug.

aeroplane food

1. Something the airlines use as an excuse to charge you more.

2. A plastic container with words like 'Chicken and Rice', or 'Cottage Pie' printed on the lid, but which contains nothing that could be mistaken for these things.

3. A potent diarrhetic and/or poison. With this feature, aeroplane food was a key weapon during the cold war.
Passenger: "Oh Stewardess, there's a rat in my aeroplane food!"
Flight Stewardess: "No sir, that IS your aeroplane food."

BA, BOAC and Cathay Pacific all serve 'aeroplane food'.
by Jamie Douglas December 06, 2006
mugGet the aeroplane foodmug.

powerful awesome

adj. The words to be used when no other describing word will do. Powerful awesome things include cake, alcohol, football, and physics.

If anyone in a social situation describes you as powerful awesome you can immediately assume they are coming on to you. Be careful using this term in a single sex environment, unless you want some homo-action.

Powerul awesome is a term that has been used at many historical events: in 1066 at the Battle of Hastings, William heard of Harolds death and proclaimed 'I'm going to be a powerful awesome King'; on VE-day, Hitler was heard to say 'Ich bin nicht powerful awesome - argh!' which is German for 'the allied forces are too powerful awesome for me - argh'; in 1969 Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon and declared 'Houston, the moon is powerful awesome'; and recently I had a really nice bit of Chocolate pudding and said 'Mum, this cake is powerful awesome'.

Never use the term 'powerful awesome' in prison.
Jake: 'Mike just called you powerful awesome'
Phon: 'Poof!'

Grizzly Adams: 'How powerful awesome is this shelter I've produced!'
Mother Nature: '-'
by Jamie Douglas November 16, 2006
mugGet the powerful awesomemug.

cattle market

A nightclub frequented by women of low standard who are out to show off there wares in the hope of a sly grope or of making out. These women are normally over 40 or under 18, and most would be mistaken for hookers if they were seen in natural light.

A cattle market is the sort of place that male first year undergraduate students at university go all the time in an effort to get their end away, but this invariably results in the guilty boys leaving the venue with an itch.

The term derives because the women in these clubs are essentially showing themselves off in the hope of being taken home, just as cattle are shown off at cattle markets in the hope of being sold.
Bill: "Let's go down Icon and Diva!"
Pete: "We can't go there, it's a right cattle market!"

"Ooh, I was in Creation last night and pulled this slapper - now I have an itch! Serves me right for visiting such a cattle market!"

"Let's go down to Gatecrasher - I hear it's a real cattle market down there!"
by Jamie Douglas January 06, 2007
mugGet the cattle marketmug.