Jamie Douglas's definitions
A hybrid plant bred using the seeds from a banana and a pumpkin. It is grown exclusively in Peasingwold, North Yorkshire (see below).
The banapkin has a soft leathery outer skin, which is a sort of dirty yellow/orange colour and is usually not eaten. It has an extended spherical shape, not dissimilar to a rugby football except the banapkin is slightly bent (like a boomerang). The inside is soft and delicious. It may be eaten raw, or better cooked (see below). The banapkin is a so called superfood, as many exceptional health benefits are associated with it.
-Peasingwold-
The village of Peasingwold, North Yorkshire, was belatedly added to the world map when in 1999 a student at Peasingwold technical horticultural college developed a now patented technique to fuse together the seeds of a pumpkin and a banana. The student, Mark Foe, sold his technique to the local working mens club for a pint of John Smiths and a bag of prawn cocktail flavour crisps. The patent is now worth an estimated £350million. In 2005 the AA added Peasingwold to it's list of 3 places to see before you die, where it replaced London.
-Physical Properties-
Weight (approx): 1 (kg)
Volume (approx): 5 (dm-3)
Electrical conductivity: 10 (Sm-1)
pH: 5
Magnetic permeability: 500 (Hm-1)
Refractive index: 4.2
Speed of sound in banapkin: 300,000 (ms-1)
Viscosity: 999,999,999 (Pa-s)
-Cooking-
Although the banapkin may be eaten raw it is best cooked. A small amount of salt brings out it's tasty flavour which may best be described as a cross between a potato and chicken. Many famous chefs including Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Delia Smith and Shaque O'Neil recommend roasting the flesh of the banapkin before serving on a bed of fresh salad. Gas Mark 9, 300C or 480F for around 3 hours a pound plus 20 minutes is the suggested roasting guideline. I personally enjoy banapkin in my man breakfast and often fry it up with the bacon.
-Cost-
The banapkin is an inexpensive treat, and may be bought at any branch of HSBC bank for the same price as seven loaves of bread or five fishes. The price of the banapkin did fall shortly after the tradgedy of 9/11, when malicious apple farmers claimed that trained banapkins and not members of Al-Quaeda had masterminded the attacks.
-Health Benefits-
The banapkin is chock full of antioxidants, the chemicals scientists believe slow and in some cases even reverse the ageing process. In addition the banapkin has vitamins A, B12, C, D, E, W, riboflavin and tin, and is a good source of protein and other long-lasting slow-burning fuels. Historically banapkin was a herbal remedy used to cure aesthetic disfigurement, although the success of this treatment has yet to be scientifically proven.
-Media Coverage-
Given the many exciting things connected with the banapkin, media converage has been surprisingly limited. The BBC news anchor Huw Edwards was recently seen noshing on a raw banapkin at the start of the 6'o'clock news, although he denied this and claimed he had in fact been noshing on fellow presenter Fiona Bruce. The Times newspaper ran a four page spread on the banapkin in 2003 and this prompted mass consumption of the peculiar delight. It is believed that the poor media coverage of the banapkin is connected with the strangle hold that right-wing corner shop owners, who are banned from selling the produce, have over the world media.
-The Future-
The future of the banapkin is shrouded in mystery. In 2006 the Peasingwold working mens club sold the patent to an unnamed Australian company for an 8 figure sum. The only thing known about the company are their initials, ACB, which has led many leading sports experts to conclude that the success of the Aussies in the 05/06 ashes series was due to the banapkin in addition to other performance enhancing substances.
The banapkin has a soft leathery outer skin, which is a sort of dirty yellow/orange colour and is usually not eaten. It has an extended spherical shape, not dissimilar to a rugby football except the banapkin is slightly bent (like a boomerang). The inside is soft and delicious. It may be eaten raw, or better cooked (see below). The banapkin is a so called superfood, as many exceptional health benefits are associated with it.
-Peasingwold-
The village of Peasingwold, North Yorkshire, was belatedly added to the world map when in 1999 a student at Peasingwold technical horticultural college developed a now patented technique to fuse together the seeds of a pumpkin and a banana. The student, Mark Foe, sold his technique to the local working mens club for a pint of John Smiths and a bag of prawn cocktail flavour crisps. The patent is now worth an estimated £350million. In 2005 the AA added Peasingwold to it's list of 3 places to see before you die, where it replaced London.
-Physical Properties-
Weight (approx): 1 (kg)
Volume (approx): 5 (dm-3)
Electrical conductivity: 10 (Sm-1)
pH: 5
Magnetic permeability: 500 (Hm-1)
Refractive index: 4.2
Speed of sound in banapkin: 300,000 (ms-1)
Viscosity: 999,999,999 (Pa-s)
-Cooking-
Although the banapkin may be eaten raw it is best cooked. A small amount of salt brings out it's tasty flavour which may best be described as a cross between a potato and chicken. Many famous chefs including Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Delia Smith and Shaque O'Neil recommend roasting the flesh of the banapkin before serving on a bed of fresh salad. Gas Mark 9, 300C or 480F for around 3 hours a pound plus 20 minutes is the suggested roasting guideline. I personally enjoy banapkin in my man breakfast and often fry it up with the bacon.
-Cost-
The banapkin is an inexpensive treat, and may be bought at any branch of HSBC bank for the same price as seven loaves of bread or five fishes. The price of the banapkin did fall shortly after the tradgedy of 9/11, when malicious apple farmers claimed that trained banapkins and not members of Al-Quaeda had masterminded the attacks.
-Health Benefits-
The banapkin is chock full of antioxidants, the chemicals scientists believe slow and in some cases even reverse the ageing process. In addition the banapkin has vitamins A, B12, C, D, E, W, riboflavin and tin, and is a good source of protein and other long-lasting slow-burning fuels. Historically banapkin was a herbal remedy used to cure aesthetic disfigurement, although the success of this treatment has yet to be scientifically proven.
-Media Coverage-
Given the many exciting things connected with the banapkin, media converage has been surprisingly limited. The BBC news anchor Huw Edwards was recently seen noshing on a raw banapkin at the start of the 6'o'clock news, although he denied this and claimed he had in fact been noshing on fellow presenter Fiona Bruce. The Times newspaper ran a four page spread on the banapkin in 2003 and this prompted mass consumption of the peculiar delight. It is believed that the poor media coverage of the banapkin is connected with the strangle hold that right-wing corner shop owners, who are banned from selling the produce, have over the world media.
-The Future-
The future of the banapkin is shrouded in mystery. In 2006 the Peasingwold working mens club sold the patent to an unnamed Australian company for an 8 figure sum. The only thing known about the company are their initials, ACB, which has led many leading sports experts to conclude that the success of the Aussies in the 05/06 ashes series was due to the banapkin in addition to other performance enhancing substances.
-Recipie for Banapkin Pie-
You will need:
4 banapkins
1 tbl spoon of salt
1 family sized, ready made, chicken pie
Directions:
Peel the banapkins and mash up the flesh using a fork. As you mash the flesh, add all the salt gradually.
Take the pie, and cut it in half. Scoop out the filling so you are just left with a 'pie shell'. Feed the removed pie filling to your neighbours or pet grizzly.
Stuff the mashed banapkin into both halves of the 'pie shell'. Now bring the two halves of the pie together so it looks like a complete pie. Sprinkle a little more salt on top of the pie, and roast in the oven for around 3 hours on gas mark 9, 300C, 480F. Serve with red wine.
You will need:
4 banapkins
1 tbl spoon of salt
1 family sized, ready made, chicken pie
Directions:
Peel the banapkins and mash up the flesh using a fork. As you mash the flesh, add all the salt gradually.
Take the pie, and cut it in half. Scoop out the filling so you are just left with a 'pie shell'. Feed the removed pie filling to your neighbours or pet grizzly.
Stuff the mashed banapkin into both halves of the 'pie shell'. Now bring the two halves of the pie together so it looks like a complete pie. Sprinkle a little more salt on top of the pie, and roast in the oven for around 3 hours on gas mark 9, 300C, 480F. Serve with red wine.
by Jamie Douglas January 16, 2007
Get the banapkinmug. Something that can give immense pleasure until the batteries are dead.
Women should never insert something battery powered into their bearded clam in case the battery leaks and burns them, but this doesn't stop Britians ever growing Rampant Rabbit using population.
Women should never insert something battery powered into their bearded clam in case the battery leaks and burns them, but this doesn't stop Britians ever growing Rampant Rabbit using population.
by Jamie Douglas December 7, 2006
Get the battery poweredmug. 1. Something the airlines use as an excuse to charge you more.
2. A plastic container with words like 'Chicken and Rice', or 'Cottage Pie' printed on the lid, but which contains nothing that could be mistaken for these things.
3. A potent diarrhetic and/or poison. With this feature, aeroplane food was a key weapon during the cold war.
2. A plastic container with words like 'Chicken and Rice', or 'Cottage Pie' printed on the lid, but which contains nothing that could be mistaken for these things.
3. A potent diarrhetic and/or poison. With this feature, aeroplane food was a key weapon during the cold war.
Passenger: "Oh Stewardess, there's a rat in my aeroplane food!"
Flight Stewardess: "No sir, that IS your aeroplane food."
BA, BOAC and Cathay Pacific all serve 'aeroplane food'.
Flight Stewardess: "No sir, that IS your aeroplane food."
BA, BOAC and Cathay Pacific all serve 'aeroplane food'.
by Jamie Douglas December 6, 2006
Get the aeroplane foodmug. Recipe for turkey curry
Ingredients: Turkey, onion, garlic, chillies, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, chopped tomatoes, tomato puree, chicken stock, herbs and spices (fresh coriander, fresh basil, cumin, chilli powder, tumeric, ginger, cinnamon, garam masala).
Directions:
1. Fry off the onions, garlic, chillies and seeds in oil.
2. Add the turkey and sperbs, and cook until the turkey is sealed.
3. Add the remaining ingredients and simmer for 20-30 mins.
4. Serve with rice and more fresh coriander.
Ingredients: Turkey, onion, garlic, chillies, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, chopped tomatoes, tomato puree, chicken stock, herbs and spices (fresh coriander, fresh basil, cumin, chilli powder, tumeric, ginger, cinnamon, garam masala).
Directions:
1. Fry off the onions, garlic, chillies and seeds in oil.
2. Add the turkey and sperbs, and cook until the turkey is sealed.
3. Add the remaining ingredients and simmer for 20-30 mins.
4. Serve with rice and more fresh coriander.
by Jamie Douglas July 7, 2007
Get the sperbsmug. The yummiest of all the Z-list celebrities. To be a weathergirl you must be either blonde or brunette or redhed, and you must be very pretty and have a great body. If you wish to be a weathergirl, being swedish is of benefit but not a requirement. Famous weathergirls include Ulrika Johnson and bald-headed-moustache-man Michael Fish. If you see a weathergirl, steer clear of them as they will have an IQ of roughly 3, and this may cause them to spontaneously combust.
by Jamie Douglas September 1, 2006
Get the weathergirlmug. adj. The words to be used when no other describing word will do. Powerful awesome things include cake, alcohol, football, and physics.
If anyone in a social situation describes you as powerful awesome you can immediately assume they are coming on to you. Be careful using this term in a single sex environment, unless you want some homo-action.
Powerul awesome is a term that has been used at many historical events: in 1066 at the Battle of Hastings, William heard of Harolds death and proclaimed 'I'm going to be a powerful awesome King'; on VE-day, Hitler was heard to say 'Ich bin nicht powerful awesome - argh!' which is German for 'the allied forces are too powerful awesome for me - argh'; in 1969 Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon and declared 'Houston, the moon is powerful awesome'; and recently I had a really nice bit of Chocolate pudding and said 'Mum, this cake is powerful awesome'.
Never use the term 'powerful awesome' in prison.
If anyone in a social situation describes you as powerful awesome you can immediately assume they are coming on to you. Be careful using this term in a single sex environment, unless you want some homo-action.
Powerul awesome is a term that has been used at many historical events: in 1066 at the Battle of Hastings, William heard of Harolds death and proclaimed 'I'm going to be a powerful awesome King'; on VE-day, Hitler was heard to say 'Ich bin nicht powerful awesome - argh!' which is German for 'the allied forces are too powerful awesome for me - argh'; in 1969 Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon and declared 'Houston, the moon is powerful awesome'; and recently I had a really nice bit of Chocolate pudding and said 'Mum, this cake is powerful awesome'.
Never use the term 'powerful awesome' in prison.
Jake: 'Mike just called you powerful awesome'
Phon: 'Poof!'
Grizzly Adams: 'How powerful awesome is this shelter I've produced!'
Mother Nature: '-'
Phon: 'Poof!'
Grizzly Adams: 'How powerful awesome is this shelter I've produced!'
Mother Nature: '-'
by Jamie Douglas November 16, 2006
Get the powerful awesomemug. n. Homosexual. In reference to ........... the fact the person in question is ......... bent, and in the case of men ........ take it up the ....... (can you guess what it is yet) ......... (have a go) .......... (that's right) ....... bum!
John: "Turns out Sam takes it up the back passage."
Wayne: "Yeah, I always thought he was a bendy bum."
Wayne: "Yeah, I always thought he was a bendy bum."
by Jamie Douglas September 11, 2006
Get the bendy bummug.