Carl Willis's definitions

klucker

n. (Klux + -er): 1. A member of the Ku Klux Klan. 2. Used pejoratively, a white American who is perceived to be bigoted, particularly in matters of black / white racial integration.

Look at that old klucker up on the courthouse steps, bawling his head off about "them nigras."

by Carl Willis May 13, 2005

hole hair

n. Hair immediately surrounding the anus of a domestic animal. Generally it is recommended that your pet's long and obtrusive hole hair be trimmed for hygienic reasons. Faeces has a tendency to accrete in unkempt hole hair, giving rise to unwelcome odors and a stiff mat of infectious wormy filth lining the animal's crotch.

After an especially challenging bout of diarrhoeia, we burned off Fido's crusty hole hair with a lighter.

by Carl Willis August 29, 2005

the nips

n. (Can be disparaging) The Japanese.

The term's origin was in World War II, when it was often used by Americans in the context of decrying the perceived treachery, cunning, and craziness of the Japanese.

Joe: "Did you know that in Japan, you can buy a 14-year-old's used panties from a vending machine?"

Bob: "Those crazy nips."

by Carl Willis August 25, 2004

shitless

Adj. Having an absence of faeces in one's colon, typically due to involuntary discharge of the bowels from extreme fright.

"After hearing what happened to bad little boys at Old English Preparatory Academy, William was scared shitless."

by Carl Willis November 16, 2004

the white stuff

n. (1) Cocaine, particularly the fine powder of higher purity that is preferred for snorting by the wealthy. However, it CAN sometimes refer to crack rock in the ghetto.

(2) The mixture of partially hydrogenated, synthetic, spun fats and corn sweeteners that constitutes the standard filling in an Oreo cookie.

Her friends always knew that Courtney Love had a predilection for the white stuff.



Cop: Do you have anything on you that I need to know about?

Demetrius: Naw man, we doin' it all proper this time...NAW, whatchu wanna look in there for, man...SHIT that ain'tcho bidness man...

Cop: What's this? (pulls out a sack of crack rocks.)

Demetrius: (Sigh) That's the white stuff, just a little. I'm sorry officah. I ain't never gonna...

Cop: Looks more yellow that white. Did you cook this up, Demetrius? Be honest with me now.

Demetrius: Yessah. Mostly bakin' soda an' some chalk an' some Rat-B-Gone. I'm really sorry officah. I ain't ever gonna...

Cop: (Puts "Big D" into cruiser.) Watch your head there son.

by Carl Willis August 26, 2004

Tollbooth on the highway of education

n. Popular and well-earned nickname for the ETS (Educational Testing Service), who produces and sells the GRE and SAT assessment tests. This parasite hauls in more than $0.6 billion in student money every year from its illegal monopoly on the testing market.

Every high school and college student in the country has to throw some big cash to ETS, the tollbooth on the highway of education. If a student doesn't pay his toll, he is usually shitcanned and forced to slave away at a McJob for the rest of his life.

by Carl Willis May 21, 2004

differently abled

adj. Politically correct 1990s euphemism meaning "disabled". Contrary to what the words may suggest, "differently abled" does NOT mean "having different abilities;" more precisely it means "lacking expected abilities." Since mental disability is generally associated with much more social stigma than physical disability (and hence is ripe for being described by a "sensitive" PC vocabulary), "differently abled" is most frequently encountered in similar contexts as "special". With this in mind, persons of non-retarded status should construe the phrase as a deep insult.

What the teacher thinks: "Goddamn, that was funny! Why do they insist on mainstreaming these plainly retarded kids...they're so distracting to my class..."

What the teacher says: "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves for laughing when our differently abled peers gave their fine interpretation of Hamlet."

by Carl Willis January 18, 2005