A food delivery service that deals almost exclusively in raisins, almonds, and vinegar. If it’s not sour and crunchy, it’s not Blue Apron.
Look at your hand? Nothing in it? Well, look at your other hand. You may be surprised to find $10 dollars in this hand. What to do? What to do? If you’re feeling hungry, you may be in luck because that $10 dollars can go a long way toward your next meal of choice. Heck, you can head on down to the local Qdoba and nom nom through a delicious double steak bowl with a side of chips and queso with 10 whole dollars. No one would knock you for making that choice, but you have another choice. You could choose to take that 10 dollars and have a combination of raisins, almonds, and vinegar delivered right to your door as many times a week as your little heart desires! This way you can take it upon yourself to cook up a nice, sour, grool after having spent that last 12 hours in the miserable hell hole you call a job. Blue Apron is the perfect excuse to don an apron, sharpen up those knives you got 10 years ago at your wedding, and dirty up every pot and pan in the house.
Here’s some excellent Blue Apron recipes:
1. Raisin and almond patties with a nice vinegar dipping sauce.
2. Raisin and almonds frozen in vinegar ice cubes to chill a nice glass of straight vinegar.
3. Raisin and almond kabobs(toothpicks not provided) grilled with a vinegar glaze.
4. Raisin/almond shooters with a vinegar base.
Here’s some excellent Blue Apron recipes:
1. Raisin and almond patties with a nice vinegar dipping sauce.
2. Raisin and almonds frozen in vinegar ice cubes to chill a nice glass of straight vinegar.
3. Raisin and almond kabobs(toothpicks not provided) grilled with a vinegar glaze.
4. Raisin/almond shooters with a vinegar base.
by Darren Besert October 26, 2017
When you feel guilty about all the carbs you’ve been eating so your subconscious starts to ascribe human characteristics to all types of bread products in an effort to make you less inclined to eat them . This happens to such a degree that you begin to believe that bread is actually a living entity with moral qualms about being consumed. It starts as a case of Pareidolia(seeing faces in unusual places). When the carbs in your life become cognizant it is not uncommon to see your muffin smiling at you or corn bread frowning in disgust. They stare at you and you stare back. You look with longing, while they gaze back in judgement. Before too long your explaining to your family that you haven’t eaten the waffles sitting out on the table because they have a rich backstory and kids at home that can’t get by without them.
Dean: I only did Keto for a week before I binged on a dozen Krispy Kreme’s. That last one didn’t appreciate it much.
Sam: Last one? Last donut?
Dean: Yeah, you could tell he was pissed?
Sam: Dude, those are cognizant carbs. The guilt got to you.
Sam: Last one? Last donut?
Dean: Yeah, you could tell he was pissed?
Sam: Dude, those are cognizant carbs. The guilt got to you.
by Darren Besert February 15, 2018
Two men eating opposite ends of a single Taco Bravo until they meet in the center and things get weird. (Lady and the Tramp style).
Sarah: Did you see Jack and John pounding the same Taco Bravo at lunch today?
Jayme: I did, but no worries, they’re really close. Some serious Bravo Love going on there.
Jayme: I did, but no worries, they’re really close. Some serious Bravo Love going on there.
by Darren Besert August 28, 2014
When you spill your beverage into your keyboard and instead of draining it out, like a normal person, you continue typing like nothing happened much to the bemusement of those who witnessed the spill. Squishy Typing is no delicate matter and practitioners usually have an “Own It!” type mentality. Squishy Typers never tickle the keyboard like an Elmo doll on the cold Christmas morning of 1996. Rather, they opt to pound the keys with the renewed vigor of a frustrated Ludwig van Beethoven raging at the heavens during a tsunami.
Jo: Just picked up my coffee off the warmer as someone asked me a question. I swung around and bonked the edge of my monitor and dumped half the cup in my keyboard...
Levi: I'd like to be sympathetic, but I'm too busy laughing. Hopefully, it was a cheap-o, wired keyboard?
Jo: It is. It's a work keyboard so I’m just squishy typing now.
Levi: I smell a UD entry. Squishy Typing
Jo: Ew Ew!! I'll get Darren on it.
Jo: Confession: I may have baited you into the UD recommendation so I could incorporate our conversation into the example...
Levi: Haha. That makes sense.
Darren: Done.
Levi: I'd like to be sympathetic, but I'm too busy laughing. Hopefully, it was a cheap-o, wired keyboard?
Jo: It is. It's a work keyboard so I’m just squishy typing now.
Levi: I smell a UD entry. Squishy Typing
Jo: Ew Ew!! I'll get Darren on it.
Jo: Confession: I may have baited you into the UD recommendation so I could incorporate our conversation into the example...
Levi: Haha. That makes sense.
Darren: Done.
by Darren Besert November 27, 2017
The perfect hump day combination for provocateurs and pranksters. No Wednesday night is complete without the needless, drunken, badgering of one’s adversaries via social media.
Betsy: What are we doing tonight, honey? She’s asks….already knowing the answer
Darren: “It’s Wednesday.” Spoken with a sarcastic tone and a hint of disbelief
Betsy: “and….” Her eye’s roll
Darren: “A little Trolling and Vino”
Besty “Aren’t you getting a little old for this kind of behavior?”
Darren sip. click, click, click, click… #GrotesqueMonsterWife badgering me again. Mean meme forthcoming. #DarrenBesertMemeMachine #BestedByBesert #MonetizeTheMemes
Darren: “It’s Wednesday.” Spoken with a sarcastic tone and a hint of disbelief
Betsy: “and….” Her eye’s roll
Darren: “A little Trolling and Vino”
Besty “Aren’t you getting a little old for this kind of behavior?”
Darren sip. click, click, click, click… #GrotesqueMonsterWife badgering me again. Mean meme forthcoming. #DarrenBesertMemeMachine #BestedByBesert #MonetizeTheMemes
by Darren Besert March 20, 2017
That moment when you plan a trip to Costa Rica, but fail to ask someone to cover your work responsibilities so you can’t go. Your failure is exemplified by the fact that you got down and dirty to get your colleagues to cover for you and you still failed. Despite appealing to everyone’s good nature, offering favors and even hot sex if they would cover, everyone turned you down. Now the entire office refers to every office faux pas as a “Cost Rica Moment” just to spite you.
RR: How’s it going today guys?
DB: Just took my first deuce in three day’s and flooded out the bathroom. I didn’t fess to it, but everyone knew it was me. I guess it’s just another “Costa Rica Moment”
JK: We’ve all been there.
DB: Just took my first deuce in three day’s and flooded out the bathroom. I didn’t fess to it, but everyone knew it was me. I guess it’s just another “Costa Rica Moment”
JK: We’ve all been there.
by Darren Besert March 18, 2019
The neck pain and stiffness resulting from craning ones neck backwards in order to play Starfox 64 on those elevated TV’s at Wal-Mart in 1997.
The year is 1997, I’m 10 years old and obsessed with Starfox 64. I have an N64, but money is tight and my birthday is months away leaving me no choice but to continue to accompany mom to Wal-Mart so I can play the demo game in the electronics department. She would tell me to meet her at the checkout in 20 minutes, but once I hit the start button, time turned into some arbitrary construct worthy only of being ignored. I was frequently shaken out of my Starfox stupor 3/4th of the way through the story-line to an angry mom and a nasty case of Starfox Neck. Come June, I received my own copy of Starfox 64 and the condition was never experienced again.
I still play StarFox 64 on occasion and it remains one of my favorite games. I have medal’d every level, but accomplished little else worthy of note in my life.
I still play StarFox 64 on occasion and it remains one of my favorite games. I have medal’d every level, but accomplished little else worthy of note in my life.
by Darren Besert March 19, 2019