23 definitions by geekmalone
Mike: I wish Republicans had at least the minimal level of respect for women and people of color...
Jen: Republicans picked up 10 seats in the House in the 2020 election. Most were women and people of color.
Mike: Don't fuck up my narrative!
Jen: Republicans picked up 10 seats in the House in the 2020 election. Most were women and people of color.
Mike: Don't fuck up my narrative!
by geekmalone December 4, 2020
Gates: I hereby call the September 2022 meeting of the Democrat Inner Circle Society "DICS" to order.
Buffett: Okay let's get down to business. Can we decide the winners of all elections in November 2022 like we did in 2020?
Gates: Uh... no.
Bezos: The state legislatures tripped us up in almost every state with new "Voter Integrity Laws".
Buffett: I'll be Goddamned if the citizens think they can choose their own representatives! We need a new scheme.
Fink: Sir? I have an idea... I've been thinking about it. Our main obstacle is poll watchers. They're watching for things like thumb drives and bins full of fake ballots. But poll watchers are humans, and humans need sleep after about 16 hours. We need to create a delay that pushes the vote processing out longer than 16 hours. Then we will have unmonitored power to choose the winners.
Buffett: I think I like it... But how will we delay the processing?
Fink: We tell the voters that there are equipment problems.
Buffett: So the voters stand there waiting to vote?
Fink: No. The voters will be allowed to vote, but we'll tell them that they need to put their ballots into "secure boxes" so they can be scanned later when the machines are working. Then after the poll watchers leave, we swap out the boxes of real ballots for boxes of fake ballots.
Buffett: I love it! Okay that's THE PLAN 2022! Well what the hell are we waiting for?
Buffett: Okay let's get down to business. Can we decide the winners of all elections in November 2022 like we did in 2020?
Gates: Uh... no.
Bezos: The state legislatures tripped us up in almost every state with new "Voter Integrity Laws".
Buffett: I'll be Goddamned if the citizens think they can choose their own representatives! We need a new scheme.
Fink: Sir? I have an idea... I've been thinking about it. Our main obstacle is poll watchers. They're watching for things like thumb drives and bins full of fake ballots. But poll watchers are humans, and humans need sleep after about 16 hours. We need to create a delay that pushes the vote processing out longer than 16 hours. Then we will have unmonitored power to choose the winners.
Buffett: I think I like it... But how will we delay the processing?
Fink: We tell the voters that there are equipment problems.
Buffett: So the voters stand there waiting to vote?
Fink: No. The voters will be allowed to vote, but we'll tell them that they need to put their ballots into "secure boxes" so they can be scanned later when the machines are working. Then after the poll watchers leave, we swap out the boxes of real ballots for boxes of fake ballots.
Buffett: I love it! Okay that's THE PLAN 2022! Well what the hell are we waiting for?
by geekmalone November 17, 2022